My mother used to tell me, ‘Once you cross the teens, you’re done. You are an adult and you will have to behave like it.’ Seemed like an awesome deal back then. Flip the teen years, and automatically transform overnight into this person who remembers to get the keys before locking the door. Someone who doesn’t drink straight from the bottle but uses the glass. Someone who reads those pretentious books
like The Secret that everyone seems to love.
So when I finally passed 19, I was ecstatic. Finally I would understand what made the regular adult tick. Why they were the way they were. And one day, when I woke up from the best sleep, I had transformed into……no one. I was just myself. Possibly weirder, more scattered than usual, more irresponsible than ever. I wouldn’t trust me with a ceramic mug, let alone a baby.
Whatever happened to transforming overnight? I still forget the keys sometimes. I still drink from the bottle or the tap. Don’t even get me started on The Secret. So, that brings me to my question. Is my transformation on the way or is this it? Am I destined to be this person all my life? I don’t even wear matching socks!
I happened to come across the book, and later the movie, The Perks of being a Wallflower. And yes, I understand now. We are all wallflowers. Every single one of us. Only difference is we are adult wallflowers. We just learn to pretend to behave our age, it doesn’t come to us naturally. At least not me. We just look and learn. Who said you can’t wear colored socks to a meeting? Nobody. But that’s what adults are ‘supposed’ to do: be mature.
I have friends who have their lives together. They’re studying to be doctors, engineers, architects, teachers, artists. If shit hits the fan, they have their stuff sorted. But I’m still just as much of a hot mess I was earlier. So, I figured I should just acceopt me for who I am. I am not focused, I am not driven, I am not responsible.
But, I am passionate about what I do. Making people smile and laugh and altogether enjoy themselves by doing what I do and writing what I write makes me happy. So, I’m going to go ahead and do what I do best and just hope in some way that things turn out just right in the end.
Cheers to being an adult wallflower!
Also, everyone knows the milk tastes better straight from the carton and the cereal should be poured first. But, adult conformation…