I have known about this app called Tinder for the longest time before I finally had the balls to download it.
Now, I was honestly excited. I mean, you get to strike your first conversations with hot guys (shallow, amirite) without stammering and faltering and potentially embarrassing yourself forever. And that too, for free.
Tinder is like catnip for us nerds, when it comes to striking first conversations with hot guys. Especially since Netflix isn’t available in India yet, a fact I’m not so happy about.
However, all I knew about Tinder was what my boyfriend, The Internet, told me. And The Internet didn’t have any Indian success stories surrounding Tinder.
So I was not-so-pleasantly shocked to see that Indian Tinder had no middle ground.
I came across only three types of guys here.
1- Seemingly harmless but absolutely creepy guys with weird toothy smiles and badly photoshopped Katrina Kaif in their arms.
2- Absolutely brilliantly awesome commercial pilots or guys who are studying medicine and paying for college by modeling for massive companies. (I mean, what!)
3- Terribly horny foreign exchange students or guys from abroad working here.
Now, the first category was easy to spot. I mean, sly Photoshop does not exist in India just yet. Also, there is nothing classy about the line ‘wanna sex me’. So those were a complete no-no.
The last category was very confusing, seeing as there are super cute, super smart guys who, for a change for us nerds, likes you back. And once you have had your great first conversation and are convinced this one is a winner, bam! The ‘do me, naughty’ line has thrown you way overboard and you start doubting if you’ll ever find love. I don’t blame them though. India can get pretty rough on a lonely sexually depraved guy.
But if there was one category that baffled me most, it was the second one. These guys are legitimate students studying medicine, or doctors practicing medicine or commercial pilots WHILE occasionally modeling for big designers and flying halfway across the world for a week long fashion shoot. And for some reason, they are interested in girls like me who click photos with red clown noses. Just because.
It confused me so much because they would be so interested in me and my life and what breed of dogs I like and what bread I baked.
I was in a constant state of dazed as I wondered throughout the whole process if I made my photos too convincing. That IS a thing, by the way.
But all these amazingly hot doctors or pilots happened to have too many feelings. Just too many. One guy was actually heartbroken when I didn’t text him back immediately and gave me an earful before I so bravely unmatched him.
After a short period of three weeks, I was so done with this app. I mean, it may have helped someone find the love of their life, stuck somewhere deep between the horny outlanders (no hate) and the overly sensitive Greek god doctors or pilots. But, I believe in the old fashioned concept.
Stumble upon a decent looking fellow and manipulate him until he thinks you’re the one.