Quite recently I saw the movie Hum Saath Saath Hai on the tube after a very long time, and I was pleasantly delighted.
Quite recently I saw the movie Hum Saath Saath Hai on the tube. Again. For the 19th Saturday in a row. And I did not like it one bit.
Unfortunately for me though, mum’s a big fan of the movie. So, we watch it. Every time. EVERY. TIME.
This movie never made sense to me. Another thing, this movie is haunted. Like, seriously.
Every time I watch this movie, ten minutes in the movie, I’m smiling. No wait, not smiling, my face has been ripped into two hemispheres because it is a scientific fact that if you look at smiling faces, your own face immediately replicates them. So, good going Sooraj Barjatya, you evil little shit.
Also, the over-dose of characters didn’t really help. In fact, I saw the movie a goodish 128 times before I realized that Karishma Kapoor wasn’t actually Saif Ali Khan’s cousin in the movie. So, I spent a good deal of life being absolutely grossed out by the movie before someone told me they weren’t related.
The movie desperately wants to project a feel-good vibe. Desperately. Oh so desperately, they have the kids clapping and fake-smiling away to eternity over the littlest things.
Look, a peacock! *clap, clap, fake-smile, clap*
Look, your family members tripping on some shit, dressing like each other and doing all kinds of crazy! *clap, clap, fake-smile, wear a dress and join them, clap*
Look, grown-ass people singing the alphabet song and being creepy! *clap, clap, fake-smile, clap*
Look, a dog just took a dump. *clap, clap, fake-smile, clap*
Honestly, if I wanted people trying to look happy and like they crap out rainbows, I’d just NOT. Because, that isn’t real life, people! Even Disney can’t pull off that kind of shit!
There are a few scenes (like, all of them) where these people have events going on and functions going on and places to visit and birthdays and shit. Do you guys have no life? No jobs? If that’s how you were in your young age, Babuji, how the fuck can you afford three kids and expensive functions at the crack of a sneeze?!
People say it’s a classic, but that word doesn’t have any meaning anymore. People just say that to insinuate that that shit is old.
Shit is old, shit is classic. Same diff.
Also, I never got this fixation that Bollywood has with portraying the most impossible love stories ever. Rub it in our inexperienced faces, why don’t you.
One couple met once at a function. The girl immediately fell in love with the overly chirpy family and said, “Fuck the dude, I love the family. Wedding time!”
One couple has been ‘in love’ since they were sucking on their thumbs. I mean, come on, the guy went ‘abroad’ to study. Are you telling me he was in love with her for the entire time and was eager to come back and get with her? Without wavering one bit? Ever? Don’t you try to swing that.
One couple has been fighting since they were sucking on their thumbs. And suddenly, it’s all ‘he gets me, she gets me, let’s fuck’.
If that is really how it worked, I’d be married AND divorced. Four times. Maybe more.
And, boy, don’t even get me started on the songs.
All I am saying is that if I had a time machine, Sooraj Barjatya would be shitting his pants right now.